Darkest Before The Dawn (MShepKaidan Aftermath)
by linkthehylianhero
Summary: I'm assuming I should have a spoiler warning here? I mean it's an aftermath, so... If you haven't played ME3, you probably shouldn't read anything. Here is my sappy love story of Shepard and Kaidan being reunited. Also in which the Catalyst only destroyed the Reapers, and very nearly Shepard himself, leaving the Geth and EDI alone as well. Inaccuracies are probable.


It was hard to wake up, to pull himself from the darkness. It was the best rest he had been graced with in a long while. But Commander Shepard's still body eventually drew in a sharp breath, and shortly after, his eyes fluttered open. Though he was greeted with complete darkness. Rubble was packed all around him, casting him in the darkest of shadows. He couldn't even see his leg which he realized was in more pain than the rest of his broken body. He wondered how long he had been out. He tried to activate his omni-tool, but it only blipped on and off. He was shaking he realized as he toyed with the settings. He could hardly press the buttons, yet he wasn't cold. Or at least he didn't think he was. He managed to stabilize the omni-tool enough to work with, but the image was almost as unstable as his hands were. He discovered he had been unconscious for three days. Three days seemed like a long time. In three days the council would have begun making plans to clean up and repair anything that had been destroyed. In three days, every Reaper would be dead, civilizations would be celebrating… Shepard rested his head back down on the rubble. Knowing that, he would have been happy to die then and there. He closed his eyes and pictured his crew. The people that helped him make it happen. His mind focused on Kaidan. And his chest hurt with the want to see his face again, to touch him one more time. If God existed, he had an appetite for dangling the joys in life in front of his face, just when he was ready to die peacefully.

He was still alive. That fact had sunk in. So he figured he might as well try to stay that way. But for once, he was in no position to drag himself out. He could hardly move as it was. He was weak and in pain. Everyone was so used to Shepard being the hero, but it was the hero himself that needed saving this time.

Shepard tried his best to send out a signal of his whereabouts. He knew there was little chance it would work, considering the state of his omni-tool, but it was worth a shot. That little action seemed to be all he could take, because when he was finished, he slipped back into the darkness of his mind.

"You gotta get out of here."

"Yeah… that's not gonna happen."

"Don't argue with me, Kaidan."

"Don't leave me behind-"

"No matter what happens… know that I love you. Always."

"…I love you too… Be careful."

"Go!"

Kaidan sat up, pain sending a shock throughout his entire being. He couldn't tell if his throbbing migraine was caused by the stress or his implant. The sheets were cold, but he hugged them to him, burying his face in what used to be Shepard's pillow. Tears came to his eyes when he realized it still smelled like him…

The rest of the crew said nothing when he made his way to Shepard's cabin for the first time after the Reapers were defeated. But if they could have seen him falling apart like that… Kaidan didn't know how he was supposed to behave around the crew. He knew they had all lost Shepard as well, yet they all gave him sympathetic glances. Perhaps he didn't come off as strong as he'd liked.

Kaidan persuaded himself to get out of bed, but it took him longer than usual to dress himself in his uniform. He looked to the bed once more, remembering the night he had first slept in it. Shepard was so warm. He could see him there if he tried hard enough. Blue eyes staring back into his. That rare smirk stretched across his face. Kaidan had done as he promised. He fought for the chance to hold him again… But for what? Kaidan knew that everything was right now. The universe was saved, all thanks to the man he loved. But some part of Kaidan had died with Shepard. And though he felt the victory that came with the reapers' defeat, he could hardly remember what it was like to happy. The only times he could recall were with Shepard. Even in their early missions together. The man had always been an inspiration. And he kicked himself now for not trusting Shepard enough. He wished he had joined up with him before, even if it meant serving Cerberus. Just to have more time…

Kaidan turned away to make his way toward the door and took the elevator to the crew deck. When the doors opened he almost walked right into Liara.

"Kaidan," she said.

"Hey," he replied, nodding.

"I was actually just on my way to see you. Do you… have a minute?"

_They treat me like I'm breakable, even though I'm already broken. But they lost him too. Everyone did… _"Yeah. Yeah I've got time."

His sudden engagement seemed to please Liara, though it was a sad smile that hinted at such. Together they walked to the starboard observation deck. She held out a small device before the door closed behind them. "This was our back up plan. In case the Crucible didn't work. It contains information about our universe, as well as the Crucible and other important things that later civilizations may have needed to know. It also has a profile on Shepard." The name almost hurt. "This might be the last thing you need right now. It was… difficult for even me to look at. But I thought… if you wanted… you could have this one."

"Thanks… Liara." He took the device in his hands and nodded. "Really. It means a lot. But I don't-"

"You should look at it Kaidan… When you're ready."

He nodded once more, gripping it tighter in his hands. There was something on it for him, he realized. It was the way Liara had said it. She smiled again before walking out of the room. He made his way to one of the couches, breathing in deeply before letting it all out in a quick gust. He powered up the device and selected Shepard's name. He could hardly look at the hologram that it showed him. Commander Shepard, standing, saluting. Kaidan bit his lip and read over the description Liara had put beside his image. She did have a way with words… An audio file looked somewhat out of place at the end of the description. _This is it,_ he thought. _What she wanted me to hear._ He told it to play, and Shepard's voice spoke through it.

"It's hard to be considered the hero when you've hardly done anything. The Reapers still have yet to be destroyed, and I'm not even sure how we're supposed to accomplish such a great feat. All I know is that if we do die, the reason we came so close to defeating them is because we were willing to work together. And we all fought for something other than just our own lives. I have a sick feeling that I'm not going to make it out of this alive, even if everyone else does. I can't tell that to anyone, especially Kaidan. Because he's the one I'm fighting for. I would give myself up a thousand times to see him alive and well. I never knew I could love someone so much. And that's what you have to fight for if the Reapers make it to your cycle. If you fight for yourself, then you've already lost. And don't fight for glory. The only reason I'm seen as a hero is because my whole crew was there for me. They're the real heroes. I'm just the face."

Kaidan swallowed. He should have waited to listen to it, he knew. But Shepard's voice was as equally calming as it was haunting. He turned off the hologram and set it aside before sitting back and looking out the large window. The stars moved slowly by. Even the Normandy felt different. Maybe it was something about Joker's flying. Not as spirited… In fact that seemed to be the case with the whole crew. Tali, James, Cortez, all of them. But Garrus seemed to show it the most besides himself. Kaidan had witnessed Shepard and Garrus's friendship in the making. They were like brothers.

Kaidan got up and left the room, and when he was at the end of the hall he stopped to lay a hand on Shepard's name on the memorial wall to his left.

"I gotta be strong," he whispered. "For you."

Kaidan turned away then and headed back up to the CIC. Traynor greeted him from her terminal and he nodded in response before making his way up to the cockpit.

"Hello, Major Alenko," Edi said when he stepped inside.

"Hey, EDI. Any news?"

"We received word only a short while ago that they have finally started cleaning up the rubble on what is left of the Citadel."

"Yeah, as if they're gonna find anything," Joker said.

"They just have," EDI replied.

And as she said it, a window appeared in front of Joker reading, 'Weak, possibly malfunctioning distress signal uncovered on Citadel remains. Could have been active for several days. Do not have equipment nearby to narrow the search. Help wanted.'

"Our scanners seem to pick up the distress signal with ease," Edi said. "Though it is hard for it to remain in a single spot. Either the signal is being interfered with the rubble or the person in distress is running in circles. I find the latter highly unlikely."

"Should we go?" Joker asked.

"We have a better chance at finding the signal than any other vessel in the area," EDI informed.

"We didn't win this war just so we could go back to being selfish beings," Kaidan said.

"Kaidan's right. We're going," said Joker, and that was that.

Kaidan wasn't going to lie. Part of him really wanted to hope that Shepard had somehow found a way to stay alive. But he knew better than anyone that it would only bring him disappointment. So he shoved the thought aside and focused on saving whoever it really was. He reminded himself that they were equally as important, and Shepard had died to save them, too.

Something was tugging at his mind, urging him to wake. But Shepard couldn't understand what was so urgent when he was floating in such peaceful silence. But the feeling kept prodding at him. He knew he had to wake up for one reason or another. But just opening his eyes seemed to take all the effort he had. Slowly, his senses came back to him. He could see light making its way through small cracks in the rubble above him. Could feel the cold ground beneath him, the pain in his leg, his torn up armor pressing against a broken rib. His hearing was the last thing to come back to him. One of his ears was ringing, but through the other, he could hear movement beyond the rubble around him. The sound of metal on metal. Muffled voices. One of them sounded eerily like Garrus. And another like Liara.

Shepard's breathing quickened at the thought. They knew he was around here somewhere. They were looking for him… His crew…

He had to make some kind of noise, or he would never see their faces again. But when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. His lungs could hardly allow him to breathe right. Calling out wouldn't be an option. He reached up to touch the rubble, but whatever he was trying to achieve it was fruitless. The close space was finally getting to him. And he could hear the voices getting farther and farther away. He was too weak to perform any biotics… He turned to his omni-tool and pressed a few buttons, trying to connect his to the ones of his saviors, but it couldn't find them. He watched hopelessly as it flickered on and off. In anger, he weakly hit the device with his fist. It beeped in protest. He breathed a heavy sigh before hitting it again. It let out a long string of high pitches sounds that slowly turned into a few voice recordings he still had. They all played at once, slowing and quickening at different paces. But it was loud enough. And he could hear the voices coming back, urgent as ever. Shepard laid his head back once again and waited. It was hardly a minute before he heard the slabs of rubble beside him sliding away to his left. The light that invaded was too bright to see properly, but the face that greeted him unmistakably belonged to Garrus. He was crouched in the small opening.

"My god," he said. "Shepard…" He turned away for a short moment. "It's Shepard. He's… He's alive. Hardly, but he's conscious." He turned back to Shepard before reaching out a hand. Shepard had hardly any energy left, but he managed to put his hand in that of his old friend's. Garrus pulled, and for the first time, Shepard let out a groan as his leg scraped against the uneven ground.

"We need Dr. Chakwas," he heard EDI saying.

There was a commotion when the rest of the crew realized who he was. Liara and Tali, James and even Javik… They were all there, hovering above him. EDI stepped aside for someone he couldn't see. He let out a cough and closed his eyes tightly. The pain was getting worse. Until someone took his hand. And that grip felt so familiar…

He managed to open his eyes once more to look up at Kaidan. Tears were in his eyes, but he was smiling.

"Kaidan…" Shepard managed to rasp.

"Shh, don't talk. We'll have plenty of time for that later."

"But I-"

"I said no. It's my turn to command you, alright?" He shook his head and his gaze grew melancholy. "You look horrible... But you're alive… My god, I can't believe you're alive…"

Shepard was ashamed for ever wishing to be dead. Looking at Kaidan's face, at his crew's faces, reminded him what he lived for. Kaidan leaned down to press his lips to Shepard's for a long moment. Shepard wished he had enough energy to return the gesture. When Kaidan pulled away, he saw the tears had escaped Kaidan's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Shepard whispered. Kaiden only shook his head.

Dr. Chakwas arrived with a few crewmen holding a stretcher. The trip back to the Normandy was blurry, and Shepard could have sworn that Chakwas gave him some kind of drug to put him back to sleep. But he fought it. He had been away far too long. He had had enough rest. But despite his efforts, the next thing he remembered was waking up on one of the med bay beds. Even the ceiling was a welcome sight, though. Kaidan's hand was still in Shepard's, but his head rested on the bed, sound asleep.

"Commander Shepard," Chakwas said, quiet enough to not wake Kaidan.

"Dr. Chakwas… How bad is it?" he asked, his voice as raspy as ever.

"You'll live," she answered. "You always do. Your leg took quite a beating, though only muscle was truly harmed. You have several broken ribs and a fractured arm. My biggest worry was that the equipment that Cerberus built you with had ceased to function, but everything seems fine. The only real problem now is that you've gone approximately an Earth week, mostly unconscious and without food. I'm telling you now before you find yourself looking in a mirror: you hardly look yourself. You've lost most of your muscle mass. Starvation had already set in." She took a heavy sigh. "I've pumped you with some nutrients, however. And though I'm sure you're very hungry, you can't eat much right now. You'll have to deal with me poking you with needles for a while longer."

"Thank you. I can't imagine any other doctor I'd rather wake up to," Shepard said, closing his eyes. "How is the rest of the crew?"

"They all come to visit you every couple of hours. Even Joker took the time to stop piloting for a moment."

Shepard smiled at that.

It wasn't long before Dr. Chakwas had Shepard moved up to his cabin for comfort. He no longer needed any major medical supplies, and the ones he did need could go with him. The news got out that Shepard had woken up and every one of his team trickled in and out one by one. Some hugged him, weary of his injuries, like Liara. Some made sarcastic comments, like James or Joker. Some did both, like Garrus.

"This is the second time that you've come back from the dead, Shepard," he was saying.

"I know, I'm sorry. I thought I was done with that phase," Shepard replied with a smile.

"Just stop this habit now. You know they always say third time's a charm. Next time, could be you never wake up."

"I'll keep that in mind, Garrus."

"Good. Now I better get back to those guns. I think Kaidan has waited long enough for his turn alone with you. I'll send him up."

Kaidan came walking in several minutes later. Shepard hadn't realized before how tired he looked. He needed a shave and his hair was unkempt and the dark circles under his eyes made him look like he was the one that needed medical treatment. He stepped down before Shepard, hands in his pockets as he bit the inside of his lip.

"I… stayed in here. When you were gone…" he said, turning away to examine the coffee table. Shepard was propped up with pillows and he followed his movements. "I hope that's alright."

"Why wouldn't it be, Kaidan?"

"I- I was a mess. I guess I still am… a bit. I felt so weak without you. I cried so hard when we left you. When we got on the Normandy and left you to-"

"Kaidan." Shepard wanted to stand, to embrace him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright.

"In front of Garrus, in front of everyone. And then the Citadel… There was no way you were alive and we had to get out of there and I- I guess I lost it. But I didn't want to seem weak again so I came up here and… They all pitied me and I hated it because they lost you too."

"Kaidan, come here. Please."

Kaidan finally turned back to Shepard and he said, "I still can't believe how much you mean to me after all this time." He stepped closer and sat on the side of the bed. Shepard took his hand. "I can't imagine… what it must have been like for you. And here I am just rambling about how much I missed you."

"I missed you too," Shepard confessed. "I thought about letting myself die, but the thought of holding you one last time was too great. I decided to be selfish for once in my entire life simply because I could afford to be. And you found me. And now here I am. On my ship, with my crew. With you..." He raised a hand to cup the side of Kaidan's face. Kaidan sighed, but leaned in for a kiss. Shepard was strong enough to return it this time. When they parted, Shepard was smiling. "As soon as Chakwas says I'm fine to move about, you're mine."

Kaidan let out a happy sigh that resembled something like laughter and rested a light hand on Shepard's chest. "Good," he said. "I'll be right here waiting."


End file.
